Hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did, but it was also very busy. I had a concert to play at on Saturday, work that morning, then we headed down to the lake for the afternoon, church Sunday, birthday party, and a baby shower that after noon. So yes busy but fun!
If you have been an infertile at any point in time I am sure that you have faced the baby shower dilemma. We all have friends and they are usually around our age which means that most of us will sit back and watch our friends start there families while we set grounded on the sidelines. Baby Showers are supposed to be wonderful occasions where everyone celebrates this new life that will be coming in to the world. But for us it serves only as a terrible reminder of what seems so out of reach. Unless they have been infertile it is very hard for others to understand when we are reluctant to attend one of these parties. Sunday I faced this dilemma. One of my best friends since we were children and my maid of honor was having a baby shower for her first baby! Now I know that I was supposed to be excited and supportive and jumping up in glee, but none of those emotions accompanied me to this shower. I did feel however, anxious, nervous, upset, angry, sad, and helpless. Those don't exactly equal the life of the party.
I knew I had to go. If I didn't go I would be viewed as the worst most selfish friend and if I did go I didn't know how long it would be before I burst into tears. Its not that we hate the other person for being pregnant though we might envy them. It is that we feel so sad for ourselves. So unable and helpless in our situation.
I went, and I smiled and tried not to focus on myself. It was hard and not enjoyable but I did it because she was my friend and as much as I hurt I knew I needed to be there for her. Maybe just maybe someday she can be there for me. As an infertile, not being able to have babies can become your identity. We need to remember that infertility as BIG as it seems is just a phase and we won't always be in our current circumstance. One way or another this season in our lives will come to an end.
For some of us we can soldier on and baby showers are hard but not impossible. For others baby showers are something that just shouldn't be attended. We are all different and it is ok to say sorry I can't. First we must protect our hearts and sometimes that means that we may have to make tough decisions.
To all those infertile's that have set quietly at a baby shower holding back the tears, smiling through pain, and laughing through the sadness you are not alone and we share your heartache.
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